The audiologist that I visit on occasion at the local VA medical facility, once told me that people in general really don’t have a clue about how they should speak to a partially deaf person. People are just genetically geared to assuming that everyone else can hear as well as they do with the possible exception of people like myself who can’t hear that well in the first place. That may sound a bit strange to most of you but it’s a completely valid point and over the years and I have found what my audiologist said is very true indeed.

I’m partially deaf you see (as I stated in my previous post). Severely so. There are others who may insist on people using the terms impaired or challenged as descriptives plus the occasional issue with this, that or the other thing but I myself have traveled through life without hurting anyone psychologically or perhaps terminally affecting their sense of self or afflicting great amounts of undue emotional stress or just generally ticking one of my fellow human beings off and all that without being one bit politically correct about it. Just call me deaf and I’ll be happy. The rest of you can be impaired if you so choose.

That being said, I have decided that a little insight in how to successfully converse with a deaf person is badly needed here so I, using myself as a subject, will endeavor to provide a few guidelines.

First, we have to define what I mean by ‘deaf’. By deaf I mean partially deaf as I said above. If one is completely deaf then you better know sign language or at least have sense enough to face the person so he or she can attempt to read your lips but don’t expect much. Don’t expect them to speak clearly either or even attempt to do so. If you can’t hear what you’re saying then your words are going to be very slurred indeed and that’s only if you were able to hear at one time which allows you to at least remember what it was like to properly form words. This is an entirely different matter and not what this post is about. This post is about those who walk about the earth who have the need to wear hearing aids in order to regain some normal amount of hearing or at least being able to hold a somewhat normal conversation with someone else for example; when your boss tells you that he believes your hearing aid batteries need to be changed (what?).

So here are a few basic rules to follow when someone informs you that they are a bit deaf, hard of hearing or hearing impaired and as I said, I’ll use myself as an example:

• Look at me when you want to speak to me. Even with my expensive, high end hearing aids, I still rely heavily on facial expressions and watching your mouth form words.
• Don’t yell at me. When I say I’m a bit hard of hearing it does not mean you have to scream at me. What it does mean is that you should raise your voice a bit more but more importantly, slow down some and articulate your words. In other words, speak clearly and as if you were lecturing a small group of people gathered in a room say the size of the dining area at a small Taco Bell.
• When attempting the above, please don’t talk to me as if I were a child. This is not what I mean by speaking more slowly and clearly. Telling your husband to slow down some when you’re taking a drive through the countryside does not mean he should slow to 18 mph or so. It just means stop doing 60 and try for 45…I’d like to see some scenery here. I’d also like to understand what you’re trying to get across to me without falling asleep or wanting to punch you in the nose.
• Don’t mumble. For God’s sake, don’t mumble.
• Don’t look at your shoes, the wall, the lake, the sun, that girl’s…well never mind, look at me.
• Understand that you can stand beside me and speak to me as long as you’re facing me. I don’t have to be directly facing you, just as long as I can see your face in my peripheral vision I can do alright.
• Do not speak to me while walking past me (ie: tossing remark over your shoulder) and expect me to understand or to even acknowledge you. Stop, face me, speak then continue on your way.
• On the same token, do not turn and walk away from me while until you finish with what you’re saying. If you do I’m likely to forget you ever started in the first place.
• Most important. Make sure I acknowledge what you have said before heading off. I have spent the greater portion of life having to ignore the surrounding noise of people talking in my general vicinity simply to keep myself from going crazy with frustration. I used to be able to hear these conversations if I chose to. Now all I hear is noise.
• I am not stupid or slow. My ears are.
• Try not to take advantage of my hearing loss by thinking you can talk about me while I’m present in the room with you and whoever else you’re talking to. I can hear certain peoples voices if the voice is pitched just right. Besides, it’s just plain rude.
• Please understand…I absolutely hate saying “what?”.
• And if you’re the type of person who hates to repeat themselves tough! You can hear…I can’t.

I suppose there are other items to add but since I’ve been this way so long now I’ve learned to compensate for ‘this’ and block out ‘that’ so well that it would be too hard to remember what I’ve blocked out if you get my meaning. And the above listed items are a combination of my own personal experience, the experience of others (those with bad hearing and those with normal hearing as well) and conversations with my various audiologists throughout the years. Also out of pure frustration as you might well imagine.

Anyway, I sincerely hope that this bit of posting might help some of you remember how to handle yourself if you find yourself having to speak with a person who has a hearing problem. They will appreciate your effort to no end believe me.

Technorati tags: deaf, deafness, hearing impaired, hearing aids