The case of the disappearing food.
Jan 4th, 2007 by Kirk M
We have a refrigerator. It's a side by side model that happens to be white in color and Kenmore in make and has all sorts of things sticking to the outside of it. No, not pieces of food and/or splashes of drinks gone by. I'm talking about memorabilia much like the kind you see on any refrigerator but this is not what this post is about. It's about what's inside said refrigerator or more importantly…what's not inside. That's what this post is all about.
Now…there exists a theory which states that the average clothes dryer, be it a home or commercial type dryer, when in operation can cause small eddies and vortices in the fabric of space/time so that small pieces of clothing such as socks and select pieces of underwear may occasionally fall through arriving at some random destination which, by some quantum quirk or another, are almost always located in other clothes dryers. This little subspace anomaly, of course, can cause all types of personal embarrassments followed by all sorts of hurried explanations like "Really honey, I have no idea what those pink panties that are not yours and 2 sizes too small for you, are doing in the clean laundry that I did…" etc.
This also explains why a single man doing his weekly laundry in the local laundromat may end up one sock shy of a pair but have one of those lovely pair of women's pink panties show up in it's stead. The fact that said male is not married, has no current girlfriend nor has had any sort of "one night stand" type of thing for at least 2.543 years or so is completely beside the point. The panties are, in fact, there.
So what has this have to do with our refrigerator? Just this…
The same type of thing happens inside our fridge only not with bits of clothing and hurried explanations but with bits of food and this (as I stated previously) is what we're talking about. Food that disappears for no reason.
Please note at this point that it's just the two of us here, no children involved or anything of that nature.
Now it wouldn't be so bad if the missing bits of food were replaced with other bits of food say like frozen lobster meat for a sack of frozen peas gone missing for example. Unfortunately that is not the case. The first time it was a package of frozen spinach. I was present when my wife pulled the package out of the deep freezer down in the basement and I was also there when she placed it into the freezer side of the fridge (in the door) one minute later. I was also there when she couldn't find the thing a mere two days later and actually had to change what was planned for supper because the spinach had apparently run off to greener pastures. We had kielbasa and pirogies instead of spaghetti that night.
Another two days later finds us (yes, I happened to be there again) opening the freezer side of the "random transporter of food" we call a fridge and there, tucked into the door shelf where it belonged but wasn't there two days prior (but was supposed to be mind you)…was the missing frozen package of spinach and although I, myself might make the kind of "right under my nose" type of mistake, my wife never would…ever!
The second time was with a bunch of fresh leeks we had picked up at the local grocers for homemade leek and potato soup. We had gone shopping and we had picked up said leeks just for the above mentioned soup and we had unpacked the groceries and put them away and I was right there again when my wife cut up those darn leeks, the pieces put into a freezer bag and were placed into the freezer side of the transporter…er…refrigerator.
Two days later…you guessed it…they were gone. No explanation, no "I can't take it no more" type of note. Not even a "Gone to find the spinach" message. Simply vanished without a trace and we're fairly sure the cats had nothing to do with it.
They have not returned yet but we still hope.
We bought another bunch of leeks and the soup was made as soon as I got back from the store lest we go hungry for sake of the disappearing food.
No idea why this continues to happen and we're fairly sure that neither one of us are suffering from a "sleep eating" disorder and if we were, why frozen spinach and/or leeks? Kind of hard on the teeth I would imagine. Oh well…we'll keep the fridge and the random food-eating wormhole that apparently lives inside of it if just for conversation's sake. The fact is, it's a nice reliable appliance and worse things can disappear than spinach and leeks. It just damn well better leave the roast turkey alone!
Technorati Tags: mysterious disappearances, refrigerators, clothes dryers, missing food, missing clothes, frozen food, groceries, supper, humor
powered by performancing firefox
