So what is a fur covered bed anchor you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you…
Picture if you will a 2 and 1/2 foot tube made out of the same material a hot water bottle is made of with a circumference of approximately 1 foot, 7 inches. Now fill this tube with 2 gallons of water in the approximate temperature range of 100-102 degrees F. Then cover the entire tube, front to back, with gray fur. Your tube should now weigh in around 15 pounds or so.
Once the above is accomplished, go to bed (did I mention this should be done around bedtime?) and lay your fur-covered, 2-1/2 foot, 101 degree, 15 pound tube right next to your side that is adjacent to the side of the bed in a position where one end is about 6 inches below your armpit and the other end stops somewhere below your knee (depends on how tall you are of course). Now snuggle up close. The effect is further enhanced if you have someone in bed with you on the other side thereby giving you the feeling that not only is one side of you very warm and perhaps sweating profusely but feeling quite trapped as well.
Note:
At this point we are assuming of course that the temperature of said tube remains constant.
Know you know what a having a Fur Covered Bed Anchor (FCBA) is all about.
This “FCBA” in this case is named “Churchill” and Churchill is a gray cat that is the proud possessor of all the above attributes minus the water part of it and including a built in vibrator.
This very long, very large feline type house cat just loves to climb up onto the bed in the wee hours of the morning and lay himself out in the above mentioned position successfully trapping me like an embalmed, well wrapped mummy between his long, 101 degree self and my wife approximately 45 minutes before my required nightly 3:00am visit to the reading room. Now his presence successfully eliminates any possibility of sitting up in bed. And attempting to lift a fifteen pound, dead to the world, wouldn’t wake up if a train came slamming through the bedroom, feline off the bed from the lay down position is a sure way to a ruptured backside which further interferes with the nightly reading room visit. He also likes to lay between us (usually upside down which makes him look extremely silly) and somehow manages to steal all the covers while he’s at it although we still aren’t sure how he does this.
There are also times when the planets are aligned in just a certain way or during a full/new moon when he’ll lie on top of our heads causing one of us to have strange and vivid dreams of lying on the floor, Little Friskies and pieces of cat litter stuck between our toes. Now I suppose we could ban the cats from the bedroom but that would require us to close the bedroom door and that would most likely result in my banging into the door during my nightly stagger to the reading room and awakening my poor wife with my constructive cursing and punching the offending door and other such foolish pastimes.
And so we deal with our ultimately mellow, comatose to the world when he’s asleep bed companion and besides…we’re getting used to sweating profusely on one side.
Technorati tags: cats, pets, living with cats