Our Bathroom Rules or Why We Get Along So Well

MY lady and I are an anomaly. Why is that you ask? It’s rather simple actually–we get along extremely well. Four years and not one argument and it’s not like we haven’t been around the block a few times, both of us having been married twice before, so we definitely have had our share of domestic arguments. Of course there’s no kids involved on either side, hers being grown and mine being non-existent but that’s not the main reason we get along so famously.

It’s our bathroom rules.

Yes, that’s right, it’s the rules we have applied to our sole bathroom that makes us such a perfect couple. These are rules that we both have come up with, our own personal rules we’ve devised over the course of our separate lives and rules we have agreed upon since we’ve been together and because of these rules our life is one harmonious day after another.

And how long did it take us to establish these rules? About 5 minutes when we first began living together. And so I’m going to list a few of these bathroom type rules in hopes that some loving but struggling couple out there might find the kind of harmony in love that we enjoy.

This does not apply to households with kids or couples that already have His and Hers bathrooms.

To wit:

• The toilet seat stays down…period! Not only that but the cover stays down as well until the thing needs to be used. I mean, how many toiletry items do you want to fish out of the toilet after you accidentally drop one of them in?
• If you’re going to use the bathroom, close the damn door! ‘Nuff said.
• If I take care of my business in a standing position, occasionally I may leave several drops on the rim. So I wipe off the rim. Really hard now isn’t it? And that’s my own personal rule by the way.
• One person in the bathroom at a time, no exceptions. She can’t be brushing her teeth under my armpit while I’m trying to shave nor am I allowed to be using the throne while she’s showering. One bathroom, one person at a time. If you have conflicting schedules, make it work anyway, you’re smart people. Of course special occasions like showering together are allowed but only if agreeable to both parties involved. No pets!
• If it’s wet and it ain’t a towel or a wash cloth, it doesn’t belong in the bathroom. No wet underwear, stockings, pants shirts, shorts or what-have-you’s hanging over the curtain rod or sliding glass doors. You got a whole house, the all outdoors and most likely a basement too, find somewhere else to hang it. Someone wants to take a shower without fighting their way through a forest of undergarments.
• No talking through the door–ever! If one of us is using the bathroom, the other is not allowed to try and hold a conversation or ask questions while standing in the hallway. Raging fires are an exception of course but only if the person standing in said hallway can’t effectively put it out and the only path to the outside door is getting burned up.
• She doesn’t use my razor and I don’t use hers. If one of us runs out of razors and forgot to put them on the shopping list, tough. The local store opens early…go buy one. That goes for toothbrushes also.
• And the all important rule–If you make a mess, clean it up!

There’s a few other rules we apply but those are more of a personal nature. For those couples who have been reading this and think that this might work for them, I’m sure you’ll make up your own personal rules that fit your own personal bathroom and your own personal selves.

Hope this makes your lives together a bit more harmonious.

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Tags: me and her