I have decided (just last night) that for the benefit and good of all people of the United States of America, we must no longer allow those who would qualify as senior citizens to be elected as Commander-in-Chief. No longer shall we allow those officials who qualify as candidates for Social Security, Geritol Complete  AARP magazines and senior citizen discounts to be placed at the helm of our great nation. I just don’t believe that we need someone in the oval office that feels the need to take a nap every time 3:00 PM rolls around.

Now I’m not bashing those of advanced middle age, I’m rapidly headed that way myself, I’ve just had it up to here with having my country guided by old men who end up having prostrate surgery and heart palpations while they’re supposed to be focusing on national and world affairs that’s all. It’s a high stress, thankless, lousy job and I want someone on watch that can take that kind of pressure all day long, be ready to party after the workday is over and be able hit the floor at 5:00 AM the next morning ready for another day in the trenches. Is this too much to ask? It’s for their own good and ours as well for heavens sake.

I suppose we’ll have to let the current election slide since trying to stop the thing now would be like trying to stop Mars from looking red but we need to set some guidelines here for these future Presidential candidates in order to insure that a President elect doesn’t see his or her eightieth birthday while still in office. Here are a few suggestions:

• No Presidential candidate, if elected, can be older than 60 years of age when sworn into office. That’s it. 60 is the limit…period!
• Exceptions to the above are allowed only if the President drops dead while still in office and the Vice-President’s an old fogey or if a Presidential candidate is from Vermont (this will probably never happen since Vermonter’s have enough common sense not to want the job in the first place. With all respects to Calvin Coolidge).
• Every official that decides they want to run for President must undergo a complete and thorough health examination including CAT scans, a full MRI, a Stress Test (must complete at least the 4th level) and have a PH test of their sweat done. Oh yeah, a rectal exam for all the male candidates is also required. No prostrate problems allowed.
• They must also successfully pass a BOSS standard 28 day survival course (slightly modified for those over the age of 50…but not much).
• All Presidential candidates must agree to chop their own wood while at Camp David.

Other factors must be considered as well if we’re going to improve things here:

• Any potential Presidential candidate taking any sort of anti-depressant is automatically disqualified. No depressed Presidents allowed.
• Any potential Presidential candidate who is even remotely tied to Big Oil in any way shape or form is also automatically disqualified. Can’t have any more of our Commander-in-Chiefs putting their own interests ahead of our nation’s any longer.
• Any Presidential candidate has to prove that they know what it means to work for a living. Any candidate who was "born to money" is automatically disqualified.
• All candidates must know how to play horseshoes. Backyard rules!
• No potential candidate can run for President if they are less than 40 years of age. Sorry, if you’re still in your 30′s you probably still believe you can actually make a difference. We need a President who can carry forward, not reinvent the wheel.

I could go on of course but it’s time for lunch and I simply can’t think straight on an empty stomach. The point here is if we have to have a President than we should have a President who at least has the stamina, endurance and constant presence of mind to get the job done and I think the points stated above, if followed correctly, will increase the chances of actually getting one.

And that’s my opinion, thank you for listening.