So what about yesterday’s VA trip? Well, I’ll tell ya’…
I went down to see my provider whom I call young Dr. Young. He’s an intern from Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center just like all our other interns we have at the VA which in this case means a youngish married male with the perpetual smile plastered across his face and carrying an irritating condescending air about him. I don’t believe he’s actually trying to be condescending, it’s just the way they teach them nowadays. He’s also terribly naive I’ve found out and put all these things together and what you get is the antithesis of what a doctor dealing with crusty old vets should be.
The reason I know that he’s most likely led a sheltered life is when I asked him about the side effects of the new diabetes medication he was giving me in place of Metformin (called Glipizidumwhobenwhassits or something) the last side effect he mentioned was flatulence. Well, I just couldn’t resist. I immediately remarked that I had no problem with that one…
I told him I liked to fart in bed and fluff the covers.
I swear, the guy’s face turned the color of a ripe cranberry…and he actually started to giggle. He reacted as if he never heard the word fart used in a sentence before. Of course I couldn’t stop there when I had finally managed to break his usual calm, perpetually smiling veneer…
“C’mon now”, I said. “You can’t tell me you haven’t done that yourself”, referring obliquely to his married status…
The guy’s face went even redder and the giggles got worse (he denied it of course). In fact he nearly slammed his head into his keyboard from being caught off guard (again). Of course I had waited just long enough for him to start typing again before I said this. Unfortunately (for him), I wasn’t done yet…
3..2..1..
“Has your wife ever done it to you?”, I asked innocently…
That was it. He was off his chair and facing the wall. The giggles turned dangerous…I thought he was going to get a cramp or something.
After 2 years with this guy who prescribed me medication that I didn’t need, upped the dosage on another medication right after I told him I was having a adverse reaction to it (it was raising my blood pressure instead of lowering it) and to this day is still trying to tell me that working would be better for me psychologically than not even though he damn well knows that I’m no longer physically capable of it…
I had my revenge!
As our session ended and I was walking out the door I threw a passing remark over my shoulder…
“Now don’t forget what I said about fluffing the covers”.
I left with the sound of his cramped giggling wafting up the hallway.
Last month, I had requested a change in providers.
I’ll meet the new one in September.
I believe it’s his supervisor. 
