Labeled Disabled | Wherein the Problem Lies
Posted by Kirk M on 25 Feb 2009 | Tagged as: Life as a veteran
For the longest time now I’ve had a sense of spinning my wheels but not getting anywhere. Where is the enthusiasm that I always had? Why am I feeling so uninspired lately? I needed to sit down and have a serious talk with myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t interested and told myself to screw off. So I talked with Laurie instead and as usual she fired up enough of my listless brain cells to finally enable me to start thinking about this conundrum of mine—where did my get-up-and-go attitude get to?
Okay, so my health is not so grand at the moment and hasn’t been for quite awhile. Yes, it’s become significantly worse over the last two years, so much so that it took me out of the work force. And yeah, I’m forced to resort to a fair amount of medication in order to keep my body on a semi-even keel—more or less.
So what? I’ve dealt with all this before, I accept it—all of it.
I even accept the fact, albeit with a bit of teeth gritting, that I just can’t hop up and do whatever needs to be done or act on impulse when I suddenly feel like hiking up a mountain or to strap on the old snow shoes for a midnight romp under a full moon (or any of that kind of fun stuff).
I’ve already come to terms with all of this so what’s the problem? I have all this time on my hands to do the one thing that I love doing and that’s writing. So what’s the hold up here?
Racking my brain.
Then, in the wee hours of the morning as I tossed my 52nd turn of another sleepless night, it came to me. The one thing I haven’t been able to deal with yet:
Being “DISABLED”. Not the fact, the label!
I hate being labeled.
But despising labels is not the problem here, it’s more along the lines of feeling like someone has stamped DISABLED on my forehead that I’m having a hard time with. Seems to me now that even though I can accept the ill health, the injuries, the deafness and all the damn pills I have to take every day I have yet to reconcile myself to the fact that I’m indeed disabled.
How utterly human of me.
Obviously I’m going to have to think on this more, quite a lot more—I think. I don’t rightly know if there’s anyone else I can talk to at this point who would be able to understand where I’m coming from especially when I’m not quite sure where I’m coming from myself…yet. We’ll see.
I’ve always been a good one for sorting out and solving my own problems but I have to admit that this one is a real doozey. It’s going to be rather difficult to stand outside myself and take a long hard objective look at the situation when I’m not quite sure who and/or what I should take along with me on the way out.
Does that make sense?
No?
Now you have an idea of how I’ve been feeling lately.
Well, one thing I’ve learned over the years is, like it or not, sometimes you just have to be patient. I’ll come to terms with this all in good time if I just keep at it.
In the meantime, there’s the vacuuming to do.
Possibly Related Matter (but then again, possibly not)
10 Comments »
Oh Kirk. I still don’t know how you feel because I’m an ignorant bint with good health who still chooses to smoke it away. Hindsight is a cruel thing.
In my ignorant bint way, the first thing that popped into my head reading this, was Craniosacral Therapy. It’s voodoo stuff, but it might be worth a shot? I’ve a friend with a two year old boy who has an inverted colon… it caused all sorts of secondary problems, from reflux to night sweats to bowel distension and his family’s life was fairly miserable. After three appointments with the CT man, the kid is completely different… weaned off his losec now and sleeping properly for the first time since he was born. The difference is amazing.
Also I hear tickle therapy is good
K8 – I would much rather you be ignorant of what it’s like than become experienced with it although I don’t think your as ignorant about as you say you are. On that note, quit the smokes when your ready…but don’t wait too long. Ask me how I know this.
I love voodoo type stuff but I’m weird that way. In fact, a distant relative of mine (a second cousin to King Ethelbert of Kent of whom I’m a direct descendant by the way) turned herself into a poppet quite by mistake. Anyway, I read the Wikipedia article you linked to (the link put you in the spam-a-tory, sorry about that). Interesting stuff. There’s even a couple of Craniosacral therapists nearby the VA medical facility I go to. Wonder what they charge per session.
Tickle therapy?? Look, I love you K8, really I do–but tickle me and die.
Ahh those pesky labels! Don’t they just suck. I wish I had some great words of advice for you but I don’t. You’re a good writer and your followers will always be here when you crank out a post. You know once you have the surgery and improve physically maybe that label won’t apply anymore or if it does not to the same degree.
Hi Elaine,
Oh, the label will always apply since the deafness and bad back are also from the service. That’s why it’s essential for me to come to terms with this. Nothing’s beat me yet and with good friends like yourself it makes it that much easier to cope.
Labels can destroy our self worth. That’s why we should all be so careful not to label others or ourselves.
I know how you feel to some extent. I’m a retired professor with a good research record, a book, several sites and a blog. Although my book does okay, my Internet business still operates in the red. Sometimes, I get so frustrated that it’s hard to continue working the Internet business, and I have cut back.
I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes a counselor can really help.
Hi Linda,
A very good friend of mine runs his own fencing business here in Vermont that has a fine reputation and owns a small farm as well. He has a few side things going as well including selling food grade barrels, eggs and other such things. His fencing business pays the bills and puts a bit of money in the bank but as far as his other side ventures are concerned he refers to them as his “money losing prospects”.
Of course neither one of us is getting any younger.
As far as the label is concerned, I’ll work that out I’m sure. I’ve always been my own best counselor. Of course comments like yours always helps as well.
Hi Kirk – I’ve had that ‘label’ for years – fortunately like all other labels that I can’t cut off I manage to tuck it away where no-one can see and use it against me.
Its all in other peoples heads – not mine – so my hands don’t work properly amongst other things…. I just paint my nails and get on with my day while I can!!!
Kate – I’m still working on the accepting and filing away part of it but I’m making fair progress. I get on with my day nonetheless though as best I can…except for the painting my nails part of course.
Glad to know someone has learned to deal with the whole business of the disable label. Gives me hope it does.
Where there’s life there’s hope Kirk …. I use the bits that work ok and sod the rest really!!
Who would have thought that I could learn to speak Spanish with confidence in my fifties – not me…. even at my lowest I try to get on with life – hence the blogs – its important to me I suppose and thats what makes it work! That and my wonderful kids (now grown ups) who aid and abet my madness!
You’re doing fine – ‘nobody ever said it was going to be easy… but then again no-one said it would be this hard.’
“Momma never told me there’d be days like these….”
And as for the rest of your comment…Amen!