Being the kind of person who is forced to take prescription medications for various ailments, one of which I consider the equivalent of a nuclear explosion in a tiny blue pill, the time of day is often very critical due to the effects/side effects of certain medications. Especially at night which is when I take the tiny blue pill as I must be in bed before the nuclear detonation takes place.

Staying up late one night while doing a bit of research and after taking my nightly meds, the tiny blue pill detonated. The effects hit me just about the time I realized that I had foolishly forgotten that I had taken the thing and that I was not yet in the proper position to handle the inevitable side effects, meaning flat on my back.

So I made a mad dash for the bed, shedding cloths all the way, only to find that one of our four cats had inexplicably loosened an obviously full bladder onto our quilt.

Our handmade quilt.

Through the blanket below it.

Through the sheets and mattress pad.

And into our brand new $800 mattress that we spent 5 years saving up for.

It was thoroughly soaked.

The time in which the deed was done was obviously long past so I had no idea which one of the four were the guilty party. As this had never happened before, I wasn’t even able to make an educated guess as to which one had perpetrated this unforgivable crime. So as a result, I decided to shoot all of them.

Good thing for the cats that my wife was able to wrestle the rifle out of my hands before I slipped the clip in and slammed a cartridge home because anything with four legs, a tail and a fur coat would have been toast for sure.

It was that tiny blue pill, I swear it was. Otherwise she would have never gotten the rifle away from me.

So there we were at 1:00 am in the morning running the bed clothes through the laundry and sucking cat piss out of the mattress with a rug shampooer. I don’t recall much past that point due to the rather nasty effects of that damn pill but I do remember snatches of cleaning out the tank of shampooer and putting it away. Everything’s a blank after that.

So I swear I don’t recall making the four cat sized hangman’s nooses hanging from the top of the door frame to the bedroom that were waving gently in the breeze from the ceiling fan the next morning. Fortunately (for the cats), they were unoccupied.