Yup, I got me a tin foil hat now. I resisted it as long as I could but it was all in vain, I finally had to give in. It was the dreaded Murphy Signal! (AAAGGGHHHH!!), the straw that finally broke this camel’s back.

The Murphy Signal! (AAAGGGHHHH!!)…That miserable wireless Internet connection killer that takes out my connection with the virtual work world and all my special friends out there(hey Sixty, hey Grandad), the one that cuts me off from the outside world and then makes me run around in a blind panic rebooting wireless routers and computers until it finally gets tired of my antics and wanders off to make somebody else’s life miserable.

I came out here this morning and powered up ol’ reliable and went back to the kitchen for that all important first coffee and a pop tart (I never got over those). Upon returning I noticed that I had that little warning balloon hovering over the System Tray that told me my wireless signal was way too low. Oh crap, here we go again. Next step is losing it all together which was ridiculous since the router putting out the signal was in the next room. But wait!!! I checked the available wireless networks and there it was! The Murphy Signal! (AAAGGGHHHH!!).

It’s caused by aliens, I just know it. Either that or it’s the people from Connecticut who bought the house across the street—same thing.

My wife did the honors, I just couldn’t bring myself to admit failure in resisting the tin foil hat. But much to my surprise she placed it not on my head, but around the wireless receiver instead (she was always smarter than me anyway). After the deed was done and I was sitting there with a dumbfounded look on my face, she turned to me with a look of profound sympathy and love, kissed me and went back to her computer in the other room.

I was saved.

The Murphy Signal! (AAAGGGHHHH!!) was finally gone and my connection to the outer world was once again strong and healthy. And I could walk still outside with my head held high and without looking like a fool wearing a tin foil hat.

Life is good.

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Ain’t life just grand though?

And so it was that I happily tossed the gas can into the back of my old Jeep Cherokee and down to the local gas station I went where I was met with the first minor shock of the day. Gas was now $3.60 a gallon for regular. Oh well, it’s not like I haven’t been reading about it on the news.

Second minor shock of the day–it cost me an even $9.00 to fill up a 2.5 gallon gas can. Well hell, why not? With oil reaching $121.00 a barrel as of yesterday morning I was lucky to get it that cheap I figure so I can’t complain too much especially when it won’t do any good anyway.

So off home I go, filled up the tank on our old self propelled push mower (wish my cane was as easy to use as this thing) and around our lawns I go, happy as a raven at the site of fresh road kill. The mower even started on the first pull no less.

So 45 minutes later, with a screaming back but a blissful smile on my face I rolled the mower back into the garage glancing joyfully at the almost* beautiful, nicely trimmed carpet of green grass (*there was still some areas where the rough winter had taken it’s toll and there were rather large patches of brown here and there). Since I was still mobile enough and against all common sense I then decided to haul out our ancient wheel barrel and commence to emptying all the bags of last fall’s leaves that we had thrown up against the side of the foundation on the windy side of the house and dumped over the bank in the same place I dump the grass clippings-something of a Vermont tradition you might say. The fact that it actually provides a good insulation factor is another point in it’s favor.

Another thirty minutes and I had finished this chore as well which was a good thing indeed since by then my busted back was not only screaming but filing for divorce as well. Since this morning, my back and I have reached an accord and it’s withdrawn it’s divorce filing from the local court so all’s well there.

It’s supposed to rain for the next couple of days which ought to make the grass grow nicely once mower…I mean more.

Man! I just can’t stand the wait!

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No…this is not a promotion. I just thought it was funny.

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Yup! You just have to love our local humor.

(Source: The Barton Chronicle, Vol. 35, #16, April 23rd, 2008)

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Okay… alright, I can handle this now. The grass isn’t up yet…it still thinks it’s…well…April fer heavens sake and April in the Northeast kingdom is not supposed to be up in the 70’s for days on end. It’s supposed to be in the 50’s around here, I mean we’ve had snow storms on April, wet heavy things that leave a foot or more of the kind of water-logged snow that the plow guys and gals absolutely despise due to one plow blade full usually equals a half a ton of snow they have to push around. Tends to break welds and mounts on the plow and tear up lawns and such.

But now they don’t have to deal with this but I have to deal with my normal obsession with a clean cut lawn which usually doesn’t rear it’s ugly head until the middle of May or so.

I know, there’s still small twigs and a few leaves in the lawn that I couldn’t get up with the rake. Yeah, I could get them up with the lawn mower! Yeah…it has a bag on it, it’s self propelled so I probably won’t hurt my bunged up back too much. Yeah…yeah…I could do that! I could just run that around the lawn, clean it up a little…

*Sigh*

Maybe I better just go sit down at the waterfront for awhile instead. Keep me out of trouble and the neighbors from looking at me funny. The mower would probably appreciate more.

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