Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jig
Posted by Kirk M on 08 May 2007 | Tagged as: Life as a veteran
Home again from another adventure in Blunderland. Back from the strange land of “civilization” where one can actually plan only a couple hours to go to Walmart rather than setting an entire day aside for the trip. The above point was moot for my trip since it involved being hauled down to Boston in a VA shuttle van just to spend two hours waiting for the rudest procedure I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing.
Note: After searching around for an image that would accurately portray the type of procedure I had to endure without making my readers cringe, I finally gave it up. The ones I did find were, shall we say, too descriptive.
Suffice it to say it involved my nose, four 6″ cotton swabs slathered in numbing gel (uh, yeah–right!) and a long floppy probe about the size, length and consistency of a mostly cooked, 4-1/2 foot string of number 9 spaghetti that eventually ended up dangeling down the length of my esophagus. And I’ll give you three guesses where that string of “spaghetti” began it’s journey. Right after I was drilled by the cotton swabs of course.
Oookay! Enough about that. I’m sure you get the picture. Either way, about 40 minutes later I wobbled out of the Endoscopy clinic with nose still stuffed full of ##@@!! “nummers” as the doctor called the mounds of numbing gel he had rammed into my skull and staggered down the hall wondering if the chemicals that were currently residing in my nasal passages might permanently numb the few remaining active brain cells I had left and if I’d ever smell Thanksgiving dinner again.
The good news is—I get to go down this coming Monday and do it all over again for another type of test except this time I get to keep the piece of spaghetti for 24 whole, glorious hours with the end that isn’t residing inside of me, connected to a recorder the size of your average paperback. And then I’m supposed to go about my normal daily routine as if I really didn’t have an anemic looking phone cord dangling out my nose and running all the way down my insides. Noooo problem there that I can see. I’ll just explain it’s a new sort of internal webcam for the new online service called “Gut-tube” (still in beta).
Somehow, I don’t think the idea will catch on though.
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